Last year, I was again trying to make sense of my grief and loss and when I came across this scripture in Philippians 1:19-26. I had read it many times before but it took on a whole new meaning. “for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.
Ugh…although this resonated with me it really was not what my heart wanted to hear. The truth is I have in no way faced my suffering with eagerness or hopeful expectation.
Do You Give Christianity A Bad Name?
Friends, the world has attached sinless, perfection, better than and so many other “self” serving labels to our identity as Christians. There is a pervasive belief among those of the world that Christians are being hypocritical when they stumble. It is the excuse the lost use to justify their reasons for seeking a savior other than Jesus. As Christians we have fed the lie the world chews on as an excuse and contributed to giving Christianity a bad name.
Anger…A Bitter Root
It was a bitter root that I allowed to settle in the recesses of my broken heart. ANGER, it was spilling out on others and shredding my testimony. OUCH!
The truth is my heart laid shattered in a grave and my outburst of anger made me feel so alive, if only for a moment.
You may be thinking “I can’t believe she is sharing this with the world”. Sharing this does make me feel extremely vulnerable, so please be gentle with my heart. If this is you friend I would love to hear from you.
Inhale and Rest Until You Can Fly
THE CALL…THE LOSS…of a child, of relationships, of a church, of a hope.
This journey, for me, has looked much like a tree that lost all of its blooms, leaves and branches when the first blast of a cold winter arrives and hangs around for a while. A broken tree trunk that has to be scraped in multiple places to find any green growth under the peeling bark.
Anguish that quietened the memories, dulled his scent and his touch, muted his laugh. I was so fearful I had lost it all, even the memories.
WAIT! WHAT??
I have always loved to write for pleasure but after Chris died it became my lifeline as grief threatened to steal my joy and take me to the grave.
I kept hearing God say is...this is your story. I know it has been devastating. I have seen you laying in the floor begging for me to let you join Chris in heaven.
The reality is friends. It is ok to not be ok.
Wait! What??
If there is one thing I have learned through the hard times is that God is trustworthy. He can be trusted with my “not ok”.
Passover Provision and Protection
I have not seen those mighty angels with my eyes since I moved from that house, but I have felt their presence and I have no doubt they are there.
I have to admit, the last few days, have been H-A-R-D.
Friends, we are in unprecedented times. Times we could not have envisioned or imagined, but I want to remind you, this is not unprecedented times for God.
Trustworthy In Spite of The Suck
I was digging into my Trustworthy Study this morning and was reviewing some attributes of God as I continue to learn to lean in and stand tall in God’s trustworthiness even in and in spite of the “suck”. I began to pray about how my faith in God and these truths of God’s character has affected my perspective during this time of chaos that is swirling around us right now.
I believe we are in a time of revival friends. If you don’t know Jesus or you have moved so far away, God looks small (much like a plane looks like a spec in the sky, but as it draws near its size and magnitude are revealed), I want to encourage you to use this time to close the distance between you and the cross. We are all just one breath away.
When you meet Jesus face to face will you see him in all of his glory, the magnitude of his power and love for you or will your perspective be just a spec in your life?
Wrestling With Forgiveness
These past four years have challenged me to dig deeper into the practice of forgiving. What I noticed was that as I was walking through the layers of hurt and forgiveness, I began to try to find logical reasons of justification for the actions of the people who hurt me.
What God has taught me through this season is that I do not have to find reasons of justification for the actions of people that hurt me. I am not always called to reconcile those relationships but I am called to forgive.
Check Yo Self Sister
“I don’t feel very grateful for this.” There, I said it, but I could see the look of hurt staring back at me. I couldn’t take it back, nor could I articulate where it came from in the first place.
The Hum of a Thousand Bees
The sound must be like the hum of a thousand bees. Yet, God knows our distinct voice.
When Life Doesn't Feel Abundant
It has been almost three and a half years in this season of our life, and it sure has not felt like abundance. It has felt more like deception and greed stacked on top of an earth-shattering journey of loss and grief. Oh how deep the arrow penetrates the soul when the instigators of the hellish vortex you find yourself in comes cloaked in Christianity, friendship, and even those you love.
Giving, But Is It Your Best?
Are you giving your best when God calls you to give or are you still sorting your closet looking for a little less than your best?
Gifts Bestowed by Grace, Part 2
“Over time, and I believe unintentionally, we’ve created our own criteria for those who we believe can best fulfill the will of God.” These words were the catalyst to my blog posts Gifts Bestowed By Grace Part 1 & 2
If we only coddle those we deem “qualified” based on our human measuring sticks, we miss the “least of these”. Those people Jesus himself declared qualified and justified through his sacrifice on the cross and the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Gifts Bestowed by Grace
“Over time, and I believe unintentionally, we’ve created our own criteria for those who we believe can best fulfill the will of God.” If our spiritual gifts are given to us in full measure by the grace of God, then who are we to apply worldly standards to Godly gifts? (Part 1 of 2)
Sea Glass
These things I shared today with you are just a glimpse of all the radiant sea glass God revealed when the waves of sorrow and loss crashed over our head and swept our lives and hearts out to sea.
When I think of sea glass with the sun sparkling off of it, I think of the beautiful colors of all the precious stones in heaven. I think of you. I think of Chris.
Until we meet again…
Love,
Blue Eyes
Called but Am I Enough?
I knew the conference was God’s preparation to have me step out into my calling and I just didn’t feel adequate or equipped, and the truth is I am still struggling. I kept thinking, God you know my brokenness and my baggage; I have made a lot of bad choices. I have hurt a lot of people, some intentional and some not, including myself, on my path of self- destruction. God kept saying back to me, yes you have, and I am going to use it for my glory so get over yourself. I have forgiven you and I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you, not harm you. Plans for your future. You are ENOUGH, because I am ENOUGH.
More precious than gold
Can you say SPOILED BRAT?
That is how I was feeling. That feeling, the prick of my heart from the Holy Spirit, led me to repentance, that ultimately led me to gratefulness. Gratefulness that God loves me enough to send a homeless woman, (an angel, a precious ruby) to speak hope and gratitude into my life from the streets of Houston.
Muffin Top
Ok girls…so today I am struggling.
I had an unbelievably awesome day. We ran about 5 miles. I took a trip around the lake, went to some art galleries and had a fabulous dinner of sword fish. I know what you are thinking!! All that and she must look fabulous. But… here I am… struggling. Do you struggle too?
90 Seconds and a Wig Adjustment
Don’t you wish that is all it took…90 seconds and a wig adjustment to get our life together? 90 Seconds to soothe your deep hurt and disappointments?