Eternally Ever After
It seems each of my days now begin with before and after. Who I was before Chris died. Who I am after. The dynamics of our family before Chris died. The dynamics after. Who he was before he died. Who would he be today?
The calendar, a date we didn’t ask for. The date our worlds were shattered. The date that will forever mark the moment in our lives when life was no longer what we thought we knew to be true.
Christopher’s birth did not create this effect in my life and neither did the birth of my other children. I never thought of the me before, because in the after, I could never imagine life again without them. They brought such joy into my life. The after was more glorious than the before.
I can’t say that has been my experience in the after losing one of my children. It has been excruciatingly painful, confusing, overwhelming, and debilitating at times. It has driven me to my knees, as I cry out “Why God!!”
In my after, as I clinging even tighter to the Hope of my Father, I am reminded of other before days. The day a baby boy was born, fully human and fully God to a mother who understood he was not hers to keep. Something I did not really understand until my after (Chris’ death). The day a young man was falsely accused, beaten, battered, broken and bruised as his mother looked on. The day that sinless man took on our sin while he hung on a cross.
Then the light of day turned dark for three hours, a cry rang out “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” The calendar moment of before, seconds before the after. The veil of the temple was torn in two and the earth quaked so hard, rocks split.
God poured the wrath meant for us out on his ONE and ONLY son. Yet Jesus, in the midst of his spiritual desolation, knew this moment was God’s plan of perfection for our before and after.
Eternally EVER After
The before and after that brings hope in the midst of heartache. The promise of a new life, a new heaven. The absolute promise of eternal life with our children, never again to be separated. The promise and grace that was given to us on the cross and secured for us when we chose to follow Christ. For it is by grace alone we are saved.
Our earthy experience is intended to be about finding our way to the cross and helping others find their way. It is the calendar of our life before that leads us to the promised land of after.
When we take the next breath into the new year and do the next best thing to help us along our healing journey this year, I hope you will join me in working on staying focused on our life calendar “our before”.
Let’s work to live it well in spite of our grief, in spite of our hurts. Let’s try to focus on the before and after that assures us there will come a day when we will never have to experience the before and after calendars of life that shattered us.
Let’s focus on “our citizenship in heaven. As we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.” Philippians 3:20-21
Where the after will forever be more glorious than the before.
Much love,
Chrissy
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
Revelation 21:1-5